The Good Fight

I love reading about how Jesus interacted with women. He has such a tenderness toward his daughters. Whether young or old, he saw them, cared for them, healed them, and restored them. He often quieted their accusers, even if their accusers were those considered to be experts in their field.  Defying science and the natural way of things, he stepped in and changed the direction of their lives.

I read recently about the woman with the issue of blood in Mark 5. Having an “issue with blood” seems like such a polite way of saying this poor woman was basically on her period every day for 12 years. LORD HAVE MERCY! She had been severely ill for over a decade with no doctor able to help her. Scripture even says the doctors made it worse! How forgotten she must have felt. Unclean and unworthy. Overlooked. Life had taken her prisoner and deemed her hopeless.

Yet her desperation produced in her the courage that ended up saving her.  Proving her to be a woman of faith even if she didn’t realize it in that moment. Seeing Jesus she saw a glimpse of hope. This Jesus claimed to be the Son of God and was on his way to heal an important man's daughter. She reached out and barely touched his robe. 

You see Jesus was being bombarded by the crowd that day. There were voices much louder and people around him much stronger and more visible who were all up in his business. If anyone were to get noticed by him and heard that day, surely it would be one of them.

Pain, suffering, and loss will take the wind out of anyone’s sails. It can take the strongest Christian and knock them off their feet. When we are in an intense season of grief, we struggle even to get out of bed in the morning, let alone pray, worship, or try to read our Bibles. Sometimes all we can muster through tears or even numbness is a faint “Lord, help me.” But in our desperation, we say it still and, like the woman in Mark 5, we reach for him with all the strength we have left.

I think this is what it means to be a person of faith. Being faithful does not always or even often mean we respond to uncertainty by trusting God valiantly and automatically with a shiny smile on our face. We may see others living out their walk like that, but we do not know the battles they may have fought on their faces with Jesus behind closed doors.  

I sometimes hear women tell me they feel guilty because of how they are responding to difficulty in their lives. They think that if they were a stronger Christian they would surely be feeling more joy in this difficult time. If they just had more faith, they would be able to trust more easily that “all things work together for good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose”. (Romans 8:28)

I say the most faithful children of God are those who have fought the most to keep their faith when their feelings betrayed them.

When their healthy bodies turn on them.

When their loved ones are taken from them. 

It’s not that they were able to keep that smile on their face or keep that positive attitude. It’s not that they never missed a day of church or immediately saw the good that God was doing.   It’s that they reached for Him even when they didn’t feel strong enough or bold enough to fully take hold of Him. We can trust that even reaching far enough to touch the hem of his garment can display a faith so audacious that Jesus would want to display this woman’s action as an example of faith to the crowd.

 “’Daughter’, he said to her, ‘your faith has saved you. Go in peace and be healed from your affliction.’” (vs. 34)

Our God does not disregard the desperate and weak cries from His children.  He delights when we still reach for Jesus when Romans 8:28 is difficult to even whisper. That is faith. That is faith that pleases the Father.

Forgiveness of sins and eternal life are freely given, but faith is fought for with the power of the Holy Spirit. Not your own ability to keep it together or appear strong. Ask God to help your unbelief. Keep fighting. Keep reaching. Keep seeking Him every single day. The days will add up to a life of faithfulness and obedience. Like the bleeding woman, we will get hope and healing, but more importantly we will get Jesus.

“Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the schemes of the devil.” (Ephesians 6:11)

“Fight the good fight of faith.” (1 Timothy 6:12)

Auggie

"Can I have him Erik? Please!?" Erik smiles and gives me that look that he gives when you know he wants to say "no" but just doesn't have it in him to say it. Looking at this cute little 4 or 5 year old dachshund, he says, "I guess."

Erik knew I was really asking him to keep the dog as my apartment didn't allow dogs and his did. I promised I would take him as soon as I moved into another apartment. Erik reluctantly agreed and we drove home with this sweet little dog who went by the name Auggie.

It didn't take long, though, for me to realize that Auggie had become Erik's dog. Even now, after all these years and how much I love him-- he is still Erik's dog. Auggie loves Erik. And Erik loves that dog. There was no moving in with me later. Auggie stays with Erik.

Right now, I'm sitting next to Auggie. His breathing is slow and labored. He is tired. Our first "baby" is dying and we are heartbroken. Auggie can't see or hear, over the the years that became apparent, but he never lost his sense of smell and so I sit next to him, hoping he knows it's me. Stroking his hair. Talking to him and telling him what a good dog he's been to us. How I am so thankful he was there for Erik when we broke up (a few times) all those years ago. I thank him for being a good friend to Dylan, the energetic puppy that came a few years later, even though Auggie preferred to be an "only child". Then the real babies came. I thanked him for being so patient and sweet with Noah and Levi. Never biting or being aggressive when they might have pulled an ear too hard or petted him too rough. 

I start to remember so many things about Auggie and a smile comes to my face. Like how we picked out this spiked collar for him when we first got him because we thought it fit his protective, tough guy personality. He's worn that same collar for the last 12 years. We also bought a black squeaky toy that was shaped like a bone. He's always carried it around and, even as an old man, liked to lay in bed and make it make noise. That toy has somehow never gotten lost in 12 years and that includes at least 8 moves. 

I think about how Auggie doesn't like thunderstorms. He would always wimper and get right in your face, trying to make eye contact, as if he was looking for reassurance. One good thing about him losing his hearing over the last few years is he wasn't scared when it would storm and instead sleep right through it. 

Auggie loves to sunbathe. Every day, even until a few days ago, he would find a warm patch of grass, roll over onto his back, and lay there for hours looking so relaxed. He used to be a big boy. I remember when Erik lived in a 2nd floor apartment and his short legs and low hanging belly wouldn't stop him from running down those stairs as fast as he could to get to the car. Auggie loved to ride in the car...driver's side. Erik's truck has permanent lines on his driver's side window from Auggie's nose always being pressed up against it. 

Auggie also had a girlfriend in his younger days. It was a stuffed teddy bear that Erik got me for our first Valentine's Day together from the Hallmark store. We called it  "Scripture Bear" because you would squeeze it's paws and it would recite different scriptures in a high-pitched voice. Erik and Auggie would come to visit me and Auggie would immediately disappear. Then we would hear Scripture Bear and find her and Auggie under the bed in a compromising situation. Oh Auggie...Poor Scripture Bear.

But Auggie loved Erik most of all. He stuck by his side through good and bad. If Erik was sad or upset, Auggie could feel it. He would get right up in his face and press his forehead against Erik's to comfort him. He was completely loyal to him and, until it got too hard for him to jump down off the bed himself, he slept right next to him every night. 

As we spend these last few moments with Auggie, our hearts are hurting. Auggie has been with us all this time. He's a link to our early years and a reminder that time goes by so quickly.

There's a song Patty Griffin sings called Heavenly Day. Its a beautiful love song. In fact, we played it at our wedding. I once read an interview she did about the song and Patty said it was the first and only light-hearted love song she ever wrote. And it was about her dog. Some people may think that's strange, but anyone who has ever loved a dog and been loved by a dog knows exactly how she feels. We get it.

We love you Auggie. Thank you for loving us.

And I promise to always take good care of Erik.

Here With Us

“It’s still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes had seen the dawn of time,
How His ears had heard an angel’s symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep.”

— "Here With Us" by Joy Williams

I told myself back in October that I would slow down and take in this holiday season. I said that I would not rush through these days without keeping my focus fixed on my Savior.  I would blog about thankfulness and my son's 2nd birthday and advent. I would get my shopping done early. I would not allow stress and busyness to affect the way I talk to my husband or keep me from baking my neighbors cookies or from dropping off those toys and clothes to Goodwill.

But, it is 9 days away from Christmas and I have failed on all accounts. I have said (out loud) that I am just ready for the holidays to be over. I have gone to different work and church Christmas parties with a smile on my face and drove home feeling numb and tired from all that is on my to-do list.  I have been cold and disagreeable towards my husband on more than one occasion. I have worried more about pleasing friends and family than pleasing my God. My neighbors have not seen my face in weeks and I haven't blogged since before Halloween. I don't think I'm gonna get a Christmas card out this year and I have done zero, yes, zero Christmas shopping.  Bah, Humbug! 

I remember the first time Christmas really and truly meant something to me. I have known the "real meaning of Christmas" since I was very small. I read the story of Jesus' birth growing up and knew that it was important and special and worth celebrating and singing about. I would be worshipful and thankful for Christ's birth at Christmas, but somehow, in my heart of hearts Santa and, then later, consumerism and social events always overshadowed Jesus. Then one night, sitting in a Barnes & Noble parking lot in Round Rock, TX at 25 years old, a random song came on the radio and the Holy Spirit changed my heart forever. It was a song called "Here With Us" sung by Joy Williams...before she became a brunette and was part of the popular duo The Civil Wars.

"It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah, son of God, servant King
Here with us, You're here with us

It's still a mystery to me
How His infant eyes had seen the dawn of time
How His ears had heard an angel's symphony
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah, son of God, servant King
Here with us, You're here with us
You're here with us

Jesus, the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man"

Something came over me. I got it. I felt it.

The weight of truth that the King of Kings had come as a human baby.

The goodness of God to make a way for me.

The fulfillment of so many promises. And Hope.

I sat in my car and bawled my eyes out. Christ had come to us. He had come to me. He wasn't a distant, unreachable, uncaring God. He became like me so that He could take my place and so I could be with Him.  God...with...us. 

And He is with us, friends. He's there in my busyness and my stillness. He doesn't change or flake out just because I do. He has heard every cry for help and He has seen every tear. He does not grow tired of us in the way we do with one another and His love for us does not fade.

This morning my son woke up crying. His eyes still closed but his arms stretched out. I quickly went into his room and reassuringly said, "Mama's here, mama's here." Immediately, I could see a sense of peace come over him as his cries stopped and a smile came across his face. Without opening his eyes, he reached for me and grabbed hold of my hair (as he usually does when I'm holding him) and went back to sleep. 

He realized he wasn't alone. 

And neither are we. I don't know about you, but this makes me take a deep breath and sigh with relief. Jesus doesn't leave me alone to stay in my busyness and "Scrooge-ness". He has come as a light in such darkness to give us hope and to heal us. This brings me peace and comfort on days like today when I read about over a hundred children in Pakistan being shot and killed while sitting in their classrooms. Sometimes the darkness and all thats wrong in this world, makes it difficult to even breathe.

But He has come. He is with us. And He will come again to make all things right.

I have 9 days left until Christmas and I still have shopping to do, but my eyes are on the manger and my heart is still with thankfulness and hope.

The Son of God, Servant King, is here with us. 

love always and Merry Christmas,

Cara

Hymns and Hospitality

“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”

— Romans 12:13

I realized something recently. I realized that I have lived in my house for 3 1/2 years and have never had one single person over for dinner. That sounds awful, I know. Of course my family has come to stay and I've had a few close friends come over while we sat and talked in my living room, but I've never really entertained. You see, we bought an old house that needed a lot of TLC. We have done a lot to fix up the house and make it beautiful, but there are still many projects to be done. Some of these projects include partially ripped up tile in my dining room, lights that we can't find the switch for, and switches that we can't find the lights for. There are sliding doors that won't close all the way and very outdated bathrooms we just haven't had time to touch.  There are so many things about my house that I love, but I've let these unfinished projects stop me from welcoming many guests into my home. 

And I think I've been missing the point. 

 One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequest, shared in a blog post once that she felt like it was her purpose on this earth to let people know that they are "loved, known, welcome, and enough". I'm learning that this is what hospitality is all about. I'm also learning that hospitality doesn't always include serving Pinterest worthy dinner parties or even perfect dining room floors. Maybe it means setting up a card table in a living room because your dining room isn't big enough to hold everyone or using plastic cups because you don't have enough glass ones. No one will remember the surroundings as much as the love that was felt there and the conversation that was had. In fact, some of my favorite dinners have included plastic cups.

“The heart of hospitality is that when people leave your home they should feel better about themselves, not better about you.”

— Shauna Niequest

This has been so convicting to me recently, but so has the idea that hospitality should not only be taking place in my home, but the every day places I find myself. Everywhere I go, I am able to carry God's message that they are loved, known, welcome, and enough. However, the problem is that too often I don't see people as souls whose life matters and who God has a plan for. I see them as: the lady checking me out at the grocery store or the person doing my nails. I carry on small talk giving little to no eye contact usually because I'm in a hurry or, honestly, because I feel awkward.  

Its hard and it is sometimes risky to go beneath the surface with people. To seek more than an "I'm fine" response when asking how someone is. It takes more time and more effort to slow down and really try to see people. But thats what we all want, right? To be seen. To know that we matter. To know that somebody cares. Too often I let fear stop me from even basic human interaction and I want to change that. Jesus was the ultimate when it came to showing hospitality. He always welcomed. He was constantly inviting. He was always including and yet the Bible says that He didn't even have a home. Wherever He went He was practicing hospitality and we are instructed to do the same. 

Today at work my Pandora station played Jars of Clay's version of the old hymn, "I'll Fly Away". Every time I hear that song it takes me back to a memory from college. I remember going to visit a lady who lived in a nursing home and who was dear to one of my friends. My friend used to work at this nursing home and told us we just had to meet this very special lady. There were about 10 of us there and we were all in her room, gathered around her bed. I hadn't spent much time in nursing homes before and so I was a little uncomfortable. As I looked around her room, I noticed that behind a partially pulled curtain was a roommate. The roommate was a very frail woman with a wig and bright red lipstick. She had a look of sadness on her face and I could hear her moaning quietly. Everyone else was visiting and laughing, but I couldn't help but notice her. She looked like she might be in pain. I walked toward her and sat down in a chair next to her bed. I asked her if I could help her or go get a nurse but I soon realized she couldn't talk. She would just shake her head "no".  She looked at me and quiet tears streamed down her face. I patted her hand, but I didn't know what else to do and almost left to rejoin my group who had not noticed I had left.

But instead I quietly started to sing "I'll Fly Away".  

I know it sounds weird and its not something I would naturally do, but it just kind of came out. Within a few seconds her expression changed. With tears still falling she began to smile. She would nod her head as if to tell me she knew the song and her eyes were closed like she was going to a different place in her mind. Like she was remembering the goodness of God and that He was preparing a place for her.  A place where there were no more tears. A place that would make her forget about her current suffering. I only know the first verse and the chorus by heart and so I just sang that. Over and over.

"Some bright morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away (in the morning)
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away"

At some point I noticed my friends were leaving. I stopped singing and then held her hand. I introduced myself to her and told her it was a pleasure to have met her. She looked at me with a big smile and squeezed my hand. 

I don't know if that sweet woman had a family that came to visit her. I don't know her story and I don't know what she has been through. But I know in that moment she knew that someone saw her. She remembered she had a God who loved her and had not forgotten her. And she remembered that He would welcome her home some day. 

Sometimes hospitality looks like inviting friends to dinner. And sometimes it means singing hymns to a stranger. Maybe it means we take time to ask more questions or help when we see a need. I think it could mean we get to know our nail lady, or help the cashier bag our groceries and call her by her name. 

I know that it means opening our eyes and asking God to help us see people as He does. It means not just opening our homes, but also our hearts to others. Because everyone has an invitation to the "home on God's celestial shore", but not everyone realizes it.

Let's invite them! May we be welcomers with our words and with our actions. Both in our homes and in our hearts until on our last day when we finally hear with our own ears the Savior say to us, "Welcome Home."

The Problem with People

“Seek risks and uncomfortable things. You do not risk like a fool; you are wisely investing in the only two things that will not die: God and people’s souls.”

— Jennie Allen

People. We need each other. Connection and relationship is something everyone longs for.  I spent many years of my life feeling like I was a pretty good people person. I did not find it difficult to get along with others. Kindness and a smile went a long way in my opinion and I found that something as simple as saying "thank you" or opening a door for someone can make such a positive difference in their day. 

This still holds true for me but lately, well the last 5 years or so, I've learned some hard lessons about real and meaningful relationships. Deep friendships are wonderful but they are also risky. There are so many opportunities to get hurt. There can be moments of frustration and days we would rather hang out with our pet than another human being. You see, the problem with people is that we are all pretty messed up. Not one of us is perfect. No one makes it through this life without being hurt by someone they love. And at some point, whether its intentional or not, we all hurt or disappoint the people we love. 

The Lord has blessed me with some amazing friendships. These friendships are strong and they are deep. These ladies know me--the good, the bad, the ugly--and they still love me. We have a constant group text going thats usually at the top of my message app because we are so much into the details of each other's lives. We go to battle for one another in prayer. We can laugh together until we cry and our stomachs hurt. But we can cry and be vulnerable to the point that we start laughing again because someone always knows when to crack a joke that will lighten the mood. They love me and I love them. They are my people.

But you know what? They are not perfect and neither am I. I am sure (if it hasn't happened  already) that I will hurt their feelings and I know that they will hurt mine.  I am a flawed and imperfect person who is very capable of disappointing and hurting those I love. But realizing  and accepting this over the last several years has also helped me to be generous in giving grace to others when they hurt me. In Jennie Allen's book Restless she says, "We have to pick our people and commit to them, expecting they will hurt us but not giving up easily on them when they do. [...] It turns out that loving people recklessly requires hurting deeply. If we didn't love them so much, it wouldn't have hurt so deeply."

God has been gracious to show me some of the ways I can be a better friend and show me some of my sinful nature that can sometimes get in the way. I'm realizing that I can, at times, be like the apostle Peter...and I'm not talking about his positive characteristics. I tend to let emotions guide my actions and responses to people who have hurt me or the people and things I care about.

I hate it. I'm working on it.

Peter was quick to cut off a soldier's ear who was coming to arrest Jesus. However, Jesus told Peter that wasn't the way as he picked the ear up and healed the man. Peter passionately said that he would not deny him, and yet that is exactly what he did when he was scared and faced the possibility of his own arrest.  Peter was passionate and it was his strength, but it also was his weakness. He put his foot in his mouth often and I can say the same in my own life. I have seen this flaw hurt those I love including my husband, family, and friends.  

I'm thankful that there is grace for me in those moments. 

And I am praying that the Lord helps me to constantly be a giver of grace to others. Because I need my people. I want to invest in them and serve them and risk for them. They are worth it. I want to give grace away like its my job...and it sort of is. 

“Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’”

— Matthew 18:21-22

The problem with people is that we can inflict deep cuts and wounds in one another with our words and actions.  But we can also give grace, and grace brings healing. May we all be people of grace.

Love always,

Cara

He Doesn't Forget

“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them they would outnumber the sand. ”

— Psalm 139:17-18

I will never forget the day I got to hold a little girl.

It was a Wednesday. We found out that morning that the “shelter for abused women” we had prayed for and prepared to visit in Egypt was actually not full of women at all. They were girls…children…babies. Small human beings who were living on the street for one reason or the other; many, in their few years on this earth, had been beaten, abandoned, raped, or forced into prostitution. One 9 year-old girl who had just arrived was kicked out of her home and had her arm broken by her father because she couldn’t bring in enough income. 

This shelter was a warm bed, a hot meal, an education, a chance to belong, and a refuge. It was changing their lives. However, this safe place was government run and we were the first Christian group that had been allowed to come and visit them. When we arrived we were told that many of the girls struggled with self-esteem and so they wanted us to talk to them about self-worth and play whatever games or activities we were prepared to do. The staff at the shelter also told us that a new issue they were dealing with was “second generation street kids”. In other words, there were 11, 12, 13 year-old kids living on the streets and they were having babies. They were at the shelter too and we were going to be able to play with them as well.

And play we did! We had frisbees and balloon animals and face paint. We jumped rope, had relays, and did the hokey pokey. It was so much fun and I had the grass stains to prove it! 

At some point during all the organized chaos the staff let about 15 babies and toddlers out to play with us too. As they all waddled out onto the grass to us, one little girl (maybe 2 years-old) caught my eye from a distance. She was looking at me and was walking directly towards me. As she got closer she raised her arms up like she wanted to be held and kept walking toward me. At first I thought maybe she saw someone behind me that she recognized but then she stopped right in front of me and kept holding out her arms. I smiled and picked her up, ready to twirl her around like I used to want my parents to do when I was small, but before I could she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder.

She just wanted to be held.

At that moment my heart broke in a million pieces. In a place where we weren’t allowed to talk about the love of Jesus, my silent prayers were pleading for this little girl to know His love. I thought about God’s promises and His character. I thought about how my Savior is a “Father of the fatherless” (Ps. 68:5), and a “helper of the orphan” (Ps. 10:14). Isaiah 49 says that though a mother may forget her own child, He will not forget them. He will not forsake them. For about 10-15 minutes I held this child, praying for her soul and realizing I may be the only one to have ever done that. I'm so grateful that God doesn’t forget. My eyes filled with tears as I thought about the abundance of His steadfast love for us. For her. 

After a while, she lifted her head from my shoulder and I put her down. Although we didn’t speak the same language we had shared a special moment. 

She looked at me, smiled, and then waddled off to play.

“But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.” Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.”

— Isaiah 49:15-16

Prayer and Blue-Painted Faces

“The Almighty says this must be a fashionable fight. It’s drawn the finest people.”

— Braveheart

"What if we came together for one night in our cities to pray? What could God accomplish?" 

This was the question we asked people as we invited them to join us in a time of prayer on September 23rd. In fact, there were over 250 groups that we know of praying all over the world who asked the same question. We have been excited and expectant for our IF:Pray gathering in San Angelo, TX. It started with 8 women, half of whom I have only known a few short months, but who I now love dearly. These brave and beautiful kingdom builders have challenged and encouraged me and I am so honored to run with them on this journey of living our lives with purpose for Jesus. I have been so amazed as I see the diversity in our group. We all have different personalities and gifts and these women used their gifts to help put on an amazing night of prayer.

And pray is what we did.  Thirty-five women, spanning 5 decades in age, gathered in a chapel and  prayed for God's church and His people. We prayed for the world and we prayed for unity in the Body of Christ. We spent time in worship and the Holy Spirit was there and real to us.  It was a humbling and powerful time. 

And let me tell you, it was a time that Satan did NOT want to take place. There were so many obstacles and struggles that the Enemy tried to use to discourage us and keep us from gathering to pray in the weeks leading up to September 23rd. One of the things Satan tried to use was sickness. Many of our kids got very sick in the days prior to and the day of the event. Any parent knows that sick kids often means little sleep for mom. So many of us were just plain tired. Another tactic he used was to make us sick! The day before IF Pray I became very sick with some sort of stomach bug that included a headache and fever. He tried to use financial stress, busyness, and family discord to make us lose heart. He tried to mess with our loved ones. And Satan, knowing that we are women with feminine hearts, tried to steal our joy with insecurity and lies about who we are. If that weren't enough, hours before we were supposed to head up to the chapel to set up for the prayer gathering, a gunmen was on the loose and many of our leaders and their children were on lock down. Because our venue was also on lockdown, we wondered if we would even be able to have the event at all. Praise God that about 1 1/2 hours before IF Pray was supposed to start, police finally located and arrested the gunman and we were allowed to gather as planned. 

You see Satan does not want us to pray. It is our most powerful weapon against him and he knows it. He spends his time stealing from us, trying to kill our hope, and destroy our lives. When we pray and get in the fight to restore the broken places of the earth through Jesus, we become dangerous to him. He is no match for the LORD. Our God is a redeemer who can heal broken hearts, restore marriages, and be a Father to the fatherless. I have seen it! He can provide peace in turmoil and comfort in grief. He can cleanse us from our sins and heal us of all of our diseases. 

And He can use a small town girl from west Texas, with many faults and shortcomings, to lead other women to Him. To run her race with faithfulness and perseverance while looking ahead to Jesus, her prize.

You see, I was on the sidelines for a few years. Satan tried to take me out and make me ineffective. He tried to lead me to believe that I was fine on the sideline because many people were on the sidelines too. Satan didn't mess with me too much then. I belonged to God, sure, but he didn't have to worry about me using the power I had as a child of God because I was too busy worrying about just being a good person, getting abs like Beyonce, and keeping up with my favorite TV shows.  It happened so subtly overtime that I didn't really realize it was happening until I did. One of my spiritual heroes, Ann Voskamp said "The opposite of really living, isn't really dying -- but not really caring."  And I'm sad to say I've been there. If Satan can't take us out through persecution, he will try and take us out through complacency and being distracted by our comforts. 

But by the grace of God, I got off the sidelines and back in the race. And I'm running alongside some of the most amazing people. Last Tuesday was just the beginning of what God wants to do in San Angelo through us! But it will only happen on our knees with our hands stretched out to Him asking that He would use us. Asking that He would do big things in our generation. And He will if we ask Him! 

One of my favorite movies of all time is Braveheart. William Wallace paints his face blue and leads an army of Scots against a much bigger English army for their freedom. He gives a very inspiring speech (seriously best. scene. EVER.) and tells them that the fight is worth it. 

Paint those faces blue, ladies! I encourage you to get in the fight! Get off the sidelines! Seek out others who will fight with you and cheer you on. Pray. The Enemy won't like it and he will try to stop you, but I promise it will be worth it. And maybe even a little fun. After all, who doesn't like going into a battle they know they have already won! FREEDOM!!!

80 Years

We celebrated my Grandpa Kyle's 80th birthday this past weekend. We had cake and balloons and gifts and lots of people to help him celebrate. In fact, there were 80 people who came to his party! 80 people to celebrate 80 years. And that was during Labor Day weekend when many people were out of town!

My Grandpa doesn't have a Facebook. He doesn't do Instagram or Twitter. But that's just how many people love my Grandpa and who my Grandpa has loved on and had an impact on in just the last few years. Not on Facebook, but face to face and heart to heart. These are people he married and whose loved ones he has helped lay to rest. People he has visited in the hospital and counseled during dark times. People he has uplifted and encouraged and spoken truth to. And those he has helped lead to Christ.

The day after his party, the family got together to have our own small celebration. We ate good food, gave him some gifts, and watched a slideshow of pictures that spanned almost the whole 80 years of his life. But my favorite thing we did was go around the room and share memories of Grandpa and the things we treasure the most about him. For over an hour we sat together and laughed and cried as we shared story after story. Some of the stories I had heard many times and some I heard for the very first time.

I heard about a man who gets up before the sun, reading and studying the Bible under the light of his lamp every morning. About a man who writes love letters to his wife. A man who is brave and adventurous. Someone who is humble and full of integrity, but who can also be ornery and fun. He is an excellent cook, but also knows how to shoot a gun better than anyone I know. A man who never forgets a birthday or anniversary and loves his 3 children, 7 grandchildren, 5 in-laws (or "outlaws" as he lovingly puts it), and 2 great-grandbabies with all he has. Most importantly, I heard about a man who loves Jesus. 

Not surprisingly, my Grandpa had been asked to be a guest preacher at a church in a nearby town the morning of his birthday and he accepted. He "retired" years ago, but still preaches when he is asked, and I would bet has spent more Sundays behind the pulpit than in the pew since then. 

Now, I've heard a lot of good sermons by some amazing preachers, but I don't know if I've ever heard a better sermon on the pure greatness and awesomeness of Jesus Christ my Savior. There was no flashy band leading worship beforehand. It wasn't full of jokes and funny one liners to try to keep the crowd interested. He didn't have fill-in-the blank notes in the bulletin so everyone could follow along with every blank rhyming or starting with the letter "R".  It wasn't a sermon on how we need to be better or do more. 

It was purely a man standing on stage telling a group of people about how great his Jesus was.  How He has changed his life. How He is better than anything this life can offer. And how He is the lover of his soul. I had tears in my eyes as I heard my Grandpa tell us that though we live in scary times, there is nothing and no one who can knock his Jesus off His throne and therefore we have hope. 

I have never been prouder to be the granddaughter of such a man than on his 80th birthday. He has run the race and fought the good fight...and he's not done yet. I pray that I will show to be as faithful on my 80th birthday.

I currently have 412 Facebook friends and I am almost certain that I couldn't get 80 of them to come to my next birthday.  Not because they aren't sweet and thoughtful people (because they really are!). But because I don't think there are 80 people on my friend's list that I have impacted beyond a status update or a Happy Birthday post on their wall once a year. 

The Internet is a wonderful tool, but it can't hug a friend in a time of need. It can't cook and bring a meal to a neighbor who lost a loved one. It can't visit someone in the hospital or play on the playground with a child. It can't hold a hand, serve at a soup kitchen, or do as Jesus did and wash anybody's feet. 

I hope that we all have the opportunity to live 80 years, but I pray we live them well. I pray we live them face to face and heart to heart. I pray we live them loving others and serving others  and giving not only our money, but our time. Because our time here is so short and so valuable.

Thank you Grandpa for the legacy you are living. I pray I can follow your example with the years I'm given. And I pray that when I'm 80 I will get on the floor and play with my great-grandkids too. 

Happy Birthday, Grandpa! 

Love and Sharing French Fries

Have you ever had one of those moments in your life that you just knew you would cherish and remember forever? One of those times when you close your eyes, take a deep a breath, and say a silent prayer of thankfulness for being alive because you know you're experiencing one of the great joys in life? 

I've definitely had a few of those. Some are obvious like my wedding day, the moment I heard my son's heartbeat for the first time and, of course, the day he was born. Some are more random like sitting in the dirt peeling onions in a small village in Egypt while beautiful Egyptian children are asking me to sing songs with them.  The smell of those onions was so strong, I can almost smell them now as I'm writing this! I didn't mind though, I remember looking up at the sky and thanking God for allowing me to be there. 

Many of these times in my life have been captured on camera and I am so thankful. But, the other day my mom gave me a few pictures that she thought I might want and I cried when I saw what they were. They were pictures of one of those "moments" that I didn't know had been photographed! 

The day before Erik and I were married we had our rehearsal dinner at one of our favorite Austin spots, The Oasis. It is beautiful and has some of the most amazing views of Lake Travis. We rented out a space there and had some special time with each other and those closest to us. The day before our wedding had been a busy one for me and I had barely had time to breathe, so I was more than ready to relax some at dinner. At some point, Erik and I decided to walk out on the balcony and look at the sunset. The balcony was huge, but everyone else was inside eating and talking, unaware that we had slipped away. (Well, we thought so anyway.) It felt like, for a moment, we were the only two in the world. I'll never forget looking at him and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I loved this man and would be by his side for the rest of my life.  

I'm so thankful that my parents thought to capture this moment for us through the glass of the restaurant. It made me remember how I felt that day. How excited I was to take his name and be his bride. 

Then...

I remembered a few of our interactions in the last few days. I remember that earlier that day I had pushed him away when he tried to kiss me because I was busy getting ready for work. I remembered that the day before, instead of greeting him and saying I was glad he was home from work, I told him he needed to watch Noah so I could get some things done. I thought about how I often go watch TV in the other room if he is watching ESPN or something I'm not interested in, instead of spending time with him doing the things he likes to do. One day, he told me "You don't laugh at my jokes anymore. You used to think I was funny." That made me sad because I know he likes to make me smile and I really do think he is funny.

Now, I love my husband and I am "in love" with my husband, but it hit me looking at those pictures that I, too often, let routine and busyness affect how I treat him.

Erik is an amazing man. He is godly, has integrity, and is compassionate towards others. He is hard-working, but he is never too busy for his family. He prays for me and asks me everyday how my day was. He is an amazing daddy. The best. He is drop dead gorgeous (obviously). He has a great laugh. He shares his Chic-fil-a french fries with me, even after I said I didn't want to order any of my own. He rubbed my feet almost every day when I was pregnant because they were hurting and swollen and because he loves me.  Not a day has gone by in our 3 years of marriage that I don't hear "You're so beautiful, Cara." Really, he tells me every day.

I'm thankful to have these pictures, but I am even more thankful that they reminded me how precious this man and our marriage was. I'm only 3 years in, but I can tell you that marriage is hard.  It takes work. A lot of work. A lot of grace and forgiveness and patience. A lot of listening and talking, and listening some more. It takes realizing that marriage is not about you being happy, but about how happy you can make the other person. Its about helping one another be more like Christ. It takes putting each other's needs before your own and being loving, even when we don't feel like being loving. It means respecting Erik when he isn't being so loving, and Erik loving me when I'm not so respectful. It means being thoughtful. And it even means sharing your favorite french fries.

But it is so worth it. And I needed to be reminded of this today. 

And maybe you did too.

Go back and reminisce about your wedding day. Pull out old pictures or videos and have fun talking about good memories you shared together before the babies came. Remember how you met and all the cool and crazy things God did to bring you together. Go on a date. Go for a walk. Hold hands.

I pray that today you look at your spouse in a way you maybe haven't remembered to in a long time.  I pray that you choose to focus on the good things about your spouse, instead of the bad. Pray for God to work out the "bad" things in your spouse, but more importantly pray that you will be the husband or wife that you are supposed to be first. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and remember that love is patient. Love is kind. 

And love is sharing french fries. 

IF God is Real, then...

For some reason, I've had a difficult time putting into words what the Lord is doing in my heart in recent days. There have been mountaintop moments where God's hand has been so evident and then there have been moments of deep burden and grief for what is going on in our world today.  In our country. In my town. 

Let me give a little background: Last year I discovered an author by the name of Jennie Allen. I read her book Anything and it changed my life.  A few months later I somehow managed to get 3 other girls I barely knew at the time to do one of her Bible studies with me. A few months after that we sat together in my living room and got to be a part of a live simulcast of a women's event called IF: Gathering. I wasn't really sure what to expect but the line-up of speakers and worship leaders had me intrigued. I'm talking Shelley Giglio, Lauren Chandler, Jen Hatmaker, Christine Caine, Ann Voskamp, and Christy Nockels, to name a few. These were women I had respected and admired for a long time and if they were in on something God was doing, I wanted to be a part of it.

It was amazing! Thanks to technology, what started out being an event that the leaders weren't sure if anyone would come to, turned out to be something that thousands of women from all over the globe were able to be a part of online.

IF: Gathering's goal is to gather, equip, and unleash the next generation of women to live out their purpose.  And that's exactly what it has done. God lit a fire in me that weekend. I started asking myself questions like: Do I really believe God is real and how does that affect how I live my life? How does that affect how I read His word? How I look at other people? How I spend my time?

We get one shot at this life. One. And I just don't want to waste it.

I know there are so many women who are restless. I know because I've been there too. They have God-given dreams and giftings that they let die because of insecurity, or fear, or past sin, or because there just isn't much more to give after washing dishes, doing laundry, and changing dirty diapers all day.  

God has given me such a burden for women in my circle of influence and in my town to know Jesus. To walk in freedom, instead of fear. To love each other and quit comparing and judging one another. I want us to quit seeking self-worth in whether or not we have a ring on our finger, or how much money we have, or what number the scale says-- because Jesus already died to have a relationship with us and He is enough. I pray that women start to love their neighbor, more than their opinions. That they quit putting their backs up against the Gospel because they think they have to "defend it" against people that don't share their same morals and start loving on, building relationships, and sharing the Gospel with those people in coffee shops, and in living rooms, and in their workplace.  I pray that sisters in Christ will remember that Satan is the enemy and not one another. That we can have unity in the Body no matter what our denomination is, or age, or race, or socioeconomic status because one of the things Jesus prayed for on the last night of His life was for us to be one--just as He and the Father are one. (John 17)

Over the last year, God has led me and my dear friends on a journey of stepping out in faith in so many different areas of our lives, believing that God really is who He says He is. And, y'all, He has been faithful. I've been so proud as I've watched my best friends, who are wives and mothers (and who also have full-time jobs), start to live out their callings with courage, humility, and grace.  

And now God is asking us to dream bigger.  

There is another IF: Gathering on February 6-7, 2015 and I encourage anyone and everyone that can to be a part.  God has called me to take responsibility for the women in my town and to gather these women to pray, to dream, to learn from one another, and to encourage each other in our callings-- whatever they may be.  

And it is happening. Just last week, 8 of us (many who had just met for the first time) gathered around a table, ate delicious food, and began to dream about what God might do in our town if we truly seek Him and allow Him to use us.

Then on September 23rd, we, along with thousands of other women across the globe, are going to come together again for IF: Pray. We will pray and beg God to move in our places, and with our people, and in our time here. I would love for you to be a part of it!  You can look here and see if there is a IF: local group near you and, if not, you could even start your own.

God is Real. And Heaven is Real. And Jesus is coming back. And someday this earth and all the evil in it will be gone. Celebrity, politics, financial status, and social media will no longer matter. Christ alone is ever-lasting and He is working, and healing, and saving, and restoring and I just don't want to miss it.

You can be a part of it too.

IF...

Love Always,

Cara

Faith like a...Puppy?

“Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we don’t know where we’re going, we know with whom we go. ”

— Charles Spurgeon

I'm a dog person all the way. I feel bad sometimes that I don't care for cats. I think kittens are cute and I definitely don't wish them any harm, but one bit me as a kid and I've been nervous around them ever since.  I knew I really liked my husband, Erik, after going home to meet his family while we were dating and there were anywhere from 6-10 cats on the premises, lurking in every corner of their beautiful house. You just can't trust them. They put their claws in you when you are letting them sit in your lap and they look at you like they could pounce on you at any moment.  

But I digress.

When I was little, I desperately wanted a dog and I would've settled for anything that I could call a pet. I used to have pet rocks. (I know, Weirdo!) There are home videos of me picking up worms and bugs in my back yard and asking my mom if I can "keep it for a pet". Worms, y'all.

When I was 16 we finally got a dog. She was a Lhasa Apso and just the sweetest dog you've ever seen. We named her Khaki and loved that little dog to pieces. I got to have a dog for 2 years and loved every minute. 

Eventually, I left for college, but Khaki was in good hands with my family. I graduated from college and moved to Austin. A few years after college, Erik bought me a puppy for Christmas! A cute little Chorkie (half Chihuahua and half Yorkie). I named him Dylan and he was my baby. I took Dylan everywhere with me, and I specifically remember one trip I took to visit my parents.

                         Me with my dogs. Dylan is in my arms and Khaki is in the driver's seat. :)

Khaki was excited to see me. She was older but always acted like I never left. I decided to take Khaki and Dylan for a walk because Khaki loved walks and Dylan had never really been on one. When I lived at home I usually didn't put a leash on Khaki because she was really good about staying right next me. But things had changed in the years since I left home. Khaki had gotten older and more sure of herself. She knew the neighborhood probably better than I did at that time and couldn't resist the excitement, sounds, and smells of our outside adventure.

I couldn't keep her close. She would run ahead of me. She would not come when I called her. She almost got hit by a car and there were times I couldn't even see where she went. I was getting frustrated at Khaki and regretted that I had trusted her to go without a leash. After all I had done for her and how good I had always been to her, she had turned on me.

Then, there was Dylan. Just a few months old and only weighing 2 pounds. The outside world must've looked big and overwhelming to him. When I walked, he walked. When I stopped, he would stop, look up at me, and patiently wait. He stayed right next to me, keeping his eyes on my heels, watching for my next move.

Eventually, I managed to get home with both dogs safe and sound, but I wasn't too happy with Khaki.  Now Dylan wasn't a perfect dog. Just a few days before he had chewed up some of my favorite books. But God showed me something on that walk that day. He reminded me that so often I act like Khaki. I get comfortable in my surroundings and my day-to-day. I get prideful and think I can handle things a-ok without Him. I run ahead of Him and allow emotion and other distractions to guide my actions.  Before I know it, I get this pit in my stomach when I realized how much I've distanced myself from my God.

He doesn't put me on a leash. Because God is faithful and good, even when I am not, He is there to guide me home anyway. He picks me up and cleans me off and reminds me of His goodness. Dylan got it right that day. He trusted me. He knew that if he stayed with me he was safe.  

Khaki has passed away and its been 7 years since that walk, but I find myself still struggling with this too often. In God's mercy and grace, He continually guides me back to Him. I found myself in that place just the other day and got on my face on the kitchen floor and wept. I get too self-sufficient and realize it has been days since I have been still and truly sought my King. I miss Him and He never goes anywhere. I am so prone to wander. I often pray the hymn "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above."

You see, I am so not good.

I have so many weaknesses.

I need Jesus desperately. Every day. Every moment.

I want to be like Dylan on our walk that day. There's no safer place to be than at Jesus' feet. I pray for God to give me the faith I need to humbly walk with him. Faith like a puppy.   

love always,

Cara

Friday Favorites

When I find stuff I like, I love to share it with my friends so I thought I would share some of my favorite things with you here on the blog. I'm sure this will be the first of many because I had so much fun doing this post and can think of so many more things that I'd like to add. Hope you enjoy!

She Reads Truth 

I LOVE She Reads Truth! My sister told me about it almost a year ago and I've been hooked ever since. She Reads Truth is a daily devotional resource for women to read God's word, study it, and apply it to your daily life. They have different writers who are so gifted in studying scripture and relating it to the hearts of women. They have recently done a study on Ruth, The Sermon on the Mount, Justice, and now they are going through Hebrews. The devotions are fairly short and the content is FREE! There is also a great app that you can download on your phone to access it easily wherever you go. Each study through the app is $0.99 each, but if you don't want to use the app, you can always just go to shereadstruth.com 

 

She Reads Truth coffee mug

She Reads Truth also has a shop where you can buy beautiful prints, study resources, decals, shirts (so comfy!), and mugs! I am slightly obsessed with this mug. It's a good size, sturdy, and perfect for coffee, tea, or your favorite soup! 

Noah saying "Bubbles"

My son Noah "talks" constantly. From the moment he wakes up, until he falls asleep he is talking...you just can't understand most of it. He knows what he is saying and is very expressive. He uses his hands a lot too when he talks, which he definitely gets from his Grandma Kyle. He can say some things we understand like daddy, mama, ball, go, ouch, yay, and yum, but most of the time he speaks in "Noah language". However, last weekend, when I was visiting my sister, he was playing and watching a video while we were putting on make-up and getting ready for the day. All of a sudden he looked at the TV and said "bubbles" as plain as day. There were bubbles on the TV and he knew exactly what they were! So I rewinded the DVD a bit to see if he would do it again, and got a video of it. So Cute!

Johnnyswim's "Live While We're Young"

Please go download this song off iTunes right now! Better yet, download the whole album Diamonds! It's excellent! Johnnyswim is a married duo made up of Amanda Sudano and Abner Ramirez. Amanda used to sing backup for her mother, Donna Summer, and is a beautiful singer in her own right. This song is constantly on repeat these days. Trust me. You won't be disappointed.

Noonday Collection: Annie's Feathered Earrings

If you've seen me at all in the last 6 months, I've most likely been wearing these earrings. They are part of Noonday collection and if you've never heard of Noonday, you should definitely check them out. They make jewelry, handbags, and other accessories and everything is beautiful and very well made. More than their products, I love their mission!  

"Noonday Collection's mission is to create economic opportunity for the vulnerable. We partner with artisans in the developing world, empowering them to grow sustainable businesses. By creating a marketplace for their goods, we create dignified jobs at living wages. This allows our artisans to earn more in order to support their families."

So when you buy a gorgeous necklace or scarf, you are helping a family or single mother use the gifts they have been given and earn a respectable income to provide food, shelter, clothes, and education for her children.  There is also opportunities for you to earn an income as well. They make great gifts!!! (Hint, hint Erik Fowler.) I've got my eyes on these earrings next. :)

Party Party App

I recently discovered this app from a blog I follow and have been using it to capture fun moments ever since!  It's like having your own Photo Booth with you wherever you go! You can capture 4, 9, or 16 images at a time and can also add some cool effects. You can save your pics together as one image or can turn it into a looping animation. Love it! Noah makes a pretty good model and has given me plenty of opportunities to use this app.

Well, I'm off to run errands and play at the park with my son. Have a great weekend!

Love Always,

Cara 

Familiar Faces of Strangers

I love Austin, TX. It is, without a doubt, my favorite place in the world. I grew up going there in the summer and on holidays because we have family there, and then I lived there for 5 years after I graduated from college. It's a part of me. It's in my veins. I could write a whole blog post on WHY Austin is awesome, but I'll save that for another day.

Two of my favorite things about ATX: Hula Hut and these girls! 

It's been almost 4 years since I have moved from my beloved city, but every time I go back I'm flooded with memories of friends, family, food, and moments that grew my faith. I was able to go to Austin this past weekend and happened to drive past my old apartment complex. As I sat at a stoplight at the intersection where I used to start my daily jog, I was reminded of something I wrote back in 2006 and had posted to my Myspace (So old-school, right?!). I thought I would share again.

***Monday, August 14, 2006 

There is a street next to my apartment complex that I like to run on in the evenings after work. It is a nice street with beautiful houses, parks, a school, a swimming pool, tennis courts, neatly trimmed grass, and sidewalks. I like to watch the sun set as I am running. I like to unwind from the events of the day. I love to talk to God.

But, a thought occurred to me tonight as I ran and saw the familiar faces of strangers who also enjoy the same street every evening. There is the mom with her daughter and two dogs. There are the two Asian women who are probably best friends and look forward to their evening walk to talk about their day. There is the woman who doesn't smile. There is the old man who walks with a cane and looks down the whole time. There is the guy with the iPod who runs in the street. There is the girl who is probably about my age but she always runs on the opposite side of the street from me.

These people are strangers to me but for some reason I get comfort in the fact that I see them night after night and I miss them if one of them isn't there. In a world where nothing is constant, nothing stays the same, promises are broken, people divorce, children are abandoned, plans get canceled, people fall away from their faith, people lose their jobs, etc...it is nice sometimes to have familiarity. It is comforting when something stays the same. Change can be good...how else would we grow, but I think we were made to find comfort in consistancy, in faithfulness, in something we can depend on. Where we mess up is failing to remember that God is the ONLY thing in our life that we can truly count on. He is the only one who will ALWAYS show up. He never fails us. He is ALWAYS faithful...despite our unfaithfulness. 

I don't know if the people I see on that street every night miss me when I'm not there but I hope that they do know what it feels like to have something constant in their lives. Something unchanging. Something that actually lasts forever...and find rest for their souls. ***
 

The place I started my run every day.

Its been 8 years since I wrote that and it continues to hold true. So much in my life has changed since 2006, but my God remains the same. I have moved, got married, and had a baby. I have changed jobs, some of my opinions, and even my hair color. Relationships that I thought were solid and marked by unconditional love have been broken. And new and unexpected friendships with some of the most amazing people have begun. I have gone through a dark time in my life of bondage, deep anxiety, and fearfulness but come out on the other side victorious. Recently, "It's cancer" is something I hear way too often coming from the mouths of loved ones.

But through it all, God has been an anchor for my soul.

He is sovereign, holy, mighty, good, faithful, and merciful.

Always.

I don't know what storms you may be facing or what changes lie ahead but I do know that we have a firm foundation to stand on and a shelter to take refuge. May we fix our eyes on Jesus. The only sure thing. The only thing that will not change in an ever changing world.

Hold fast to Him. He is holding fast to you.

Love Always,

Cara

B Team Bravery

Average. Ordinary. Normal. I don't know about you, but thats how I've always felt about myself. Just Average. Not always in a bad way...just in a matter of fact sort of way. I've always been average height and, except for my 50 lb. weight gain when I was pregnant, I've always been a pretty average weight. In middle school I was always on the "B" team and I was pretty good at getting 3rd in track.  I am an okay cook. I like to create and try to be artistic in different ways but I'm no Picasso. I don't know if there has ever been an area where I really felt I shined. The Bible tells us that we have spiritual gifts, but i've always struggled to really identify what mine are. 

Now, before you think this is a post about feeling sorry for myself, I have a purpose in saying these things because I just wonder if anyone else has felt this way.  It's easy to get down on ourselves for our weaknesses or lack of strengths. But lately God has been showing me that ordinary people tend to be the lives He loves to use the most for His glory and purposes. If I look at the lives of people in the Bible that God used to do amazing things I find pretty ordinary people: fishermen, shepherds, tax collectors, servants, teenagers, mothers, and carpenters. I'm just a wife and mom who works part-time processing mortgage loans in San Angelo, TX. Nothing exciting, but it looks like I could be a part of that "ordinary" list. 

There's been this stirring that I've felt for over a year to blog. I have pushed this feeling aside because although I like to write in my journal, I'm not a writer or a photographer by any stretch of the imagination and who would want to read what I have to say anyway? I tend to not do things if I don't think I will be good at it or at least decent. I wonder about the things I may have missed out on because of fear of failure or rejection. You see, I'm a dreamer, but very seldom a doer.  Bob Goff wrote a book called Love Does and basically writes about the fact that love is an action. It does things. It doesn't just think about it or talk about it. And thats what I want. I want to love people. I want to encourage others. I want to be a part of God's redemptive story in the lives of other women. And I won't be able to do that if I never do the things the Lord is leading me to do. 

“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”

— Bob Goff

So blogging is one of those "doing" things I'm starting. Maybe my family is the only one who will ever read it (Hi Mom!), but this "B Teamer" is deciding to be brave.  My prayer is that God will use it to stir others' hearts for Him and that they will be encouraged.  Speaking of my mom...she has told me before that I am good at writing notes of encouragement. So, my hope is that that will carry over to this blog. (Can you use "that that"? I don't even know. Again, I question if I'll be good at this.) I don't want this blog to be a source of comparison or how to's because, honestly, many times I have more questions than answers. I pray this blog reads more like a letter and feels more like coffee with a good friend. I hope people find comfort in the fact that life is many things, but Jesus is always good. 

Have you ever felt scared to try something you always wanted to do? Why not try now? Let's be brave together.